Trading Yesterday

So I'm sitting in something of a coffee shop, looking out at the world from my seat.  It's so rainy and miserable, which isn't too far from my mood.  And it's not only raining, but legitimately pouring.  I have songs by Trading Yesterday on repeat and unfortunately I have the same feeling of sadness that I hear from them. I don't know when I started being such a miserable person, but I can tell you it surely wasn't recent.  Trying to keep up with my work and also striving for something of a scrap of a social life is taking its toll on me.  I would do anything to go back to high school at this point, at least then I wasn't always so alone, locked away in my room hoping someone would just reach out to me.  I can't stand looking at large groups of friends laughing and smiling all the time while I try my best to get around them without being noticed that I'm all by myself.  I find its almost better to be completely invisible at times like these.  Most of the time I even wonder why I even write down anything I'm feeling.  No one is going to read it and surely no one is going to care.  My life is a lonely one, a very lonely one indeed.  Since I'm so shy, theres really nothing I can do about it, just sit back and watch life go by with everyone else smiling around me.  I mean, after I get past the bitterness that I find myself drowning in, I'm surprisingly happy for all of those that have friends and the ability to laugh so freely.  I just wish I could be one of them, but I guess without people like myself, no one would be able to decipher happiness and loneliness.  I really just don't know what to do anymore.  I guess I've just taken to watching everyone else have fun, though again, I would do anything to go back to high school and trade today for yesterday.  One of these days I'm going to write a well written blog, thought out and interesting.  For now I just need to vent and this is the only place I can go to.

Rayne